Mane Up Memphis Podcast

Episode 11: Meaning, Mission, and the Many Colors of Manhood

• Joey Laswell

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Maine Up Memphis Mood Dudes Podcast. It's Moody Monday, and we are discussing mental health, masculinity, and manhood as always. Today, in addition to our lovely host, Joey, we have a special guest, I know you lying. We have a special guest, Dr. Sid. Listen, if you've been in the 901 any amount of time, you know who Dr. Sid is. If you listen to 95.7, if you have Spotify, uh Apple Podcasts, you know who this man is. Very popular, very pronounced, very heavy voice in the region, Memphis in the Mid South, and really around the world, low-key, he just don't be flexing. But um, we are definitely happy to have him here. Um I thank God for favors because yeah, he just agreed, and I'm just gonna leave it at that. So um we're definitely happy to have you, Dr. Sid. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and what you offer? And then we're gonna jump right into uh our conversation today.

SPEAKER_02:

Sure. Well, listen, I'm grateful to be here. Thank you so very much for inviting me. Uh, of course, I'm Dr. Sid. My full name is Sydney Wattier Malone. And you can tell who my mother liked when uh I was born. Um I have served in this particular role for the past uh 43 years, I want to say. And uh no, I don't look it, but you know, it is what it is. Um I'm very grateful to be a native Memphian, um, to be able to help those who uh are part of this city and then also very fortunate to travel and to help others, uh, whether they be executives, Fortune 500, Fortune 50, mom and pop's. But my main role is to help people realize their potential and to maximize it. We're able to get into the nuances of uh cultural norms and societal pressures and uh being able to help executives think from an executive mindset, uh, because of course there are differences there. And then product analysis, diversity awareness, I mean you name it, that's what we do. Uh we do it from a spiritual basis, uh, not churchy, not religious, but from a spiritual connection because I believe everything starts from there and it goes outward. And so we help people connect to the holistic aspect of their lives so that they can fulfill whatever uh goals or uh whatever they're trying to accomplish. So I've had the pleasure and honor of doing that for about, like I said, about 40 plus years, and I'm very grateful to be with you tonight.

SPEAKER_00:

So if they don't have the type of rapport we have, when I could just call you, how can somebody book you if they need your services?

SPEAKER_02:

You can reach out to me at uh Dr. Sid, executive coach. I'm on all social media platforms. Um you can reach out to me, uh you can message me, inbox me. Um you can also go to a particular website on which we're well, you know what? Text, you can text this number. This is this would be the easier. Uh 94000. You can text 9400 and you can put in the comment Dr. Cid at D-R-S-I-D, and that text will come directly to me, and we can take it from there. It's a white glove service. We'll be glad to help you with whatever you have need.

SPEAKER_00:

Awesome. And I guarantee you by the end of this episode or episodes, you will want to book with him. I also see you have your uh fraternity paraphernalia on, but I'm gonna leave that alone. So anyway, if you are not looking at this, I'll just let y'all guess which one it is. Matter of fact, put it in the comments um and we'll let you know if you are accurate or not. So um, Joey, Bishop, I'm sorry, Dr. Sid, Lord Jesus, cut that.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, that's my day job, too, you know, Bishop. I'm a pastor of church and growth in Christ, but don't let that deter you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so about 438, just snip that out. Um, all right. Joey, Dr. Sid, everybody in here has a Y chromosome. I want to start our conversation with this question. If you could tell every man on the on earth one thing, what would that be?

SPEAKER_02:

If I can tell every man on this earth one thing, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00:

Like if you were a magneto, not not magneto, a professor X and you had cerebral on, and you can reach all the humans simultaneously, and you were just talking to the males, what would you say?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, what comes immediately to mind is I would tell them your life has meaning. Now, the task is to find out what that is. Find out why you are created, find out why your nuances and your uniqueness was birthed within you and maximize that. Don't try to be another person, don't fall into the trap of comparison and competition, but embrace collaboration, embrace the fact that there are others who might appeal to you because of certain potentials that are on the inside, and not look at that as something to be offended of or something to compete with, but something to learn from so that you can maximize your full potential. But every man is unique in his own being. Find your uniqueness, embrace it, and live without excuses.

SPEAKER_00:

I want to say so much right there. Well, Joey, we also want to hear from you. Come on, mutant powers. What would you say? All right.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I would say find a missionslash find a uh a community and and be be a leader in that community. Whatever the whatever space that is, um, you know, you can be a leader uh on in digital spaces like we talked about last week. Uh you can be a leader in your uh school, in your community, and um, you know, so everywhere you have a chance to be a leader, uh, I I'd say do it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's good. Beautiful. So I want to talk to, so for those who need a topic, you'll see it on the on the podcast title, uh, The Moods of Manhood. And in my own manhood journey, um, I'm I'll be 32 in October at the time of this recording. Um, I'm learning that manhood has color, colors, actually. Um, it's not just one broad stroke, it's darn near mosaic. Um, and I'm using um an artistic analogy, but what I'm trying to convey is that it's so much in manhood, it's not um as black and white or dichotomous as uh we have been socialized to believe, and is also not as archaic or primal as some others um will want it to be. It's so much nuance and even finesse to it. And I wanted to get what you would you guys say to every man at the same time. You could say one thing because I was looking for um insight to how you guys see manhood, right? So one of the things you both had in common uh is mission. Why do we think missions it's is so synonymous at almost in parallel with with manhood and masculinity? Yeah, we go in there today.

SPEAKER_02:

Joey, you want to go first?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh yeah. I I think uh I think it maybe it comes down to just one of those inherent natural instincts that I mean not okay, some I think we're all all men are born with certain natural instincts. I mean, I think that's just yeah, I would hope that we can at least agree on that, you know. Um and you know, that doesn't mean that you can't have nurturing instincts if you're a male and vice versa. So I mean, you know, like it it is a spectrum. Um, but yeah, as we're as we're talking about the uh we've we've talked about previously about the modern modern version of manhood and and being a male and uh in this world. And uh I just keep going back to um the the mission of you know helping people, for instance, is what what kind of pushes me forward. Um but you know your mission could be in like um maybe you're really big in your community uh in Dungeons and Dragons and you are a a Table Master or whatever, you know, you you're you're big in that community, you can be a leader in that community. Um, and I think that's something that most most males would would either uh aspire to have or to actually um you know to to to cling on to um and really kind of put their dig their teeth into a little bit.

unknown:

Dr.

SPEAKER_02:

Ver very good, Joey. Uh I agree with you totally. I um I believe that every man should have an individual conversation with the culture. And the reason why I say that is because culturally speaking, um that's when men are pretty much uh taught, especially from today's culture, to suppress emotions, they're taught to um uh associate vulnerability with weakness, they're taught to be aggressive, they're taught to be um silent or stoicism. And I think that every man has to have a conversation and then also again embrace their uniqueness. Um I think that we need to really, as men, be okay with being who we are as we find our mission, as we find our leadership role, understanding that each person will not be the same. Uh malehood is not a cookie-cutter type of experience where we all express it and demonstrate it in a particular way, and realize that it's okay to be who you are. Now, do we need those mentors? Do we need those individuals to help sharpen us? Yes, we do. At the same time, we also need to embrace our own individual uniqueness and identities, and in doing that, realize that some things that might not be uh, you know, okay with other individuals, it's fine with you. Regardless of what the culture says, regardless of how male stereotypes are presented. We must embrace who we are and walk in that.

SPEAKER_00:

So, how do we discover that? And Joy, I'm I want to come to you on that one. Um is it a discovery? Does it have an end? Um, flesh that out for us.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, let's see. Man, that's a to name. That's a tough. I feel like I feel like uh uh you, Emmanuel, have not really uh you've been doing a lot of asking of questions. What about your take on this? I'm curious.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you know, I always got to take what I was trying to hear from you guys.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, there's three people here. Let's let's I want to hear your your thought, your thoughts.

SPEAKER_00:

My take on what specifically?

SPEAKER_01:

On what Dr. Sid uh said.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, yes, um uh from from the beginning. Yes. I think though, I think we need to take some of the mysticism out um of manhood. I think we it's so it manhood is a spectrum, it's established that there, okay. There are pillars though that every man would share, right? Um, but it is a spectrum, okay? And in that spectrum, we tend to be polar. When I say we, I mean society, and we skip everything in the rest of the spectrum, right? And when I say spectrum, I don't mean an arch, I mean a circle. Okay, so in these polars, polar parts, I'm trying to get in the shot here. We either black and white it, and it's just this, and that's it, or we disney Disney fight. Like, oh, it's just so great and so wonderful, and we are men, you must be swift as a range. Like the Mulan um song. Love Mulan, no shade, by the way. But like, I think the exploration needs to happen in the circle. And I think a lot more men would be more satisfied with themselves, more confident, more aware, and more motivated if they were willing, or even if they were just aware of the opportunity to know more about themselves. Because one thing I am a proponent of is understanding self. Self does not have to do with gender. It's you, the person, the personality, the anima, uh anima, however you want to pronounce it. It's the the the you, the inner you, right? A lot of stuff, particularly in manhood, and we can talk about womanhood, but particularly in manhood, is so socialized. And here in the West, a lot of socialization is rooted in capitalism. We've already established that like pro episodes ago. So it is so important as a man in the West, particularly a man of color, to understand yourself unattached to a role or responsibility. So I encourage, like if I had to answer the original question, the first thing I would say is breathe. And then the second thing I would say is find out who you are for you, not attached to a responsibility. Because I think it's it's such an ego trap to get lost in your own sauce. And when I say your own sauce, I mean the sauce of your role, and never really learn who you are. And I think it's it's a it's a discredit, it's a it's a robbing of yourself. You you discredit yourself if you never give yourself the opportunity or even just the curiosity to understand the vicissitudes or the complexities of you, right? And I think that journey is manhood. Like discovering that is masculine. That's the take. It sounded like I'm teaching a philosophy class, but that's that's that's my take on that.

SPEAKER_02:

May I add something, please?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, um part of this conversation definitely has to take into consideration many different factors. One factor is generationally speaking. When you talk about the you know, men, you have different generations of men, and certain men have allowed themselves to be formed based on the societal lessons that they learned in their generation. It's difficult to tell a man who's 60 plus, you know, to, you know, you need to redefine masculinity, you need to embrace your emotional literacy. Um, you know, that might be met with some resistance based upon how they were brought up. Now, I am, you know, just like y'all gentlemen, I consider myself a renaissance uh from the aspect of I don't stop learning, I don't get to a place where I become stuck. But we've got a lot of men who are stuck. And so in in telling them to be comfortable with themselves might also encourage them to embrace maybe something that's archaic, but it works for them. So I just wanted to throw that you know that little caveat in there, and maybe that will facilitate a little more robust discussion.

SPEAKER_00:

It does, and I'm gonna be careful because you know we'll we get to play in tennis, Dr. C. And to that point, and Joe, I guess you could just referee. No, I'm joking. And to that point, though, who determines, and I'm using who, not what on purpose, what is a healthy man? What does that look like? Is it subjective or is there some standardized model or version of a healthy man or healthy manhood? And I would love to hear y'all feedback on that because I'm pretty sure there's a 25-year-old somewhere listed this right now asking the very same question. He may have had a role model who role modeled in reverse or didn't have one at all. So, what is a quote-unquote healthy man? What is the what are the moods of a healthy man?

SPEAKER_02:

I I I think it's standardized individually. Um I think that there are certain emotions that we must address as well as understand, uh, because as you stated earlier, we all have a certain chromosome. So there are certain things that from a biological aspect we must understand, certain things from a cultural aspect, societal aspect, spiritual aspect, um, visionary aspect. And so I think it's individualized to that particular individual, their pursuits, the uh the discovery of their identity, the the um impetus of their mission. Um and there are some things that, yes, we can learn from a community of men. You know, we we we can learn vulnerability, we can learn uh how to be an emotional man in these safe spaces that are provided by those other individuals to help us navigate um this emotional quagmire that many of us experience from uh what uh pre-puberty, uh puberty all the way up, you know. So I I think to answer your question, I think that yes, it's it's standardized to an extent, but I think it's more so individualized based upon that particular person.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and I I like uh earlier you you mentioned that manhood would was a journey, and I just made me reflect immediately on you know what I thought was a man at 10, 12, 15 is different than what I think of as a man at you know at my current age, which I'm not gonna say out loud. But you know You don't look it at 18 as a point as a 43-year-old male. Um, yeah, so I don't um yeah, I mean it's changed a lot. I think I mentioned in the previous episode that like even the um uh um the media representations of what it was to what it is to be a man has evolved, you know. You go back back and watch um an action movie from the 80s and 90s, and it's you know, it's just a different feel, you know, like you got Arnold with his muscles out and and just you know yeah, yeah. And and I think those archetypes definitely resonate with a lot of guys, but um I don't know if there's any any you know uh movement towards a like you said a community of males. Uh you know, maybe maybe this is the beginning of that, but um, you know, I'm hoping I'm always hoping to to uh you know change the narrative, but then also we are we are be a we are a part of the narrative right now as we speak, um which I I find very encouraging, but also you know, other other men should be part of this conversation because we want to lead lead the conversation as much as possible instead of having uh Hollywood define it for us, I guess.

SPEAKER_00:

Agreed. And you said community, and there is one thing that I know that brings almost every man together, and that is wings, okay? Particularly here in Memphis. Um, you know, Memphis is known worldwide for the barbecue, but I've been living here in Memphis going on nine years. It's really the wings. It's it's the wings. If you want good barbecue, you gotta go to somebody's house, like Dr. C's house. Um, but I mean that's a couple good spots. You gotta know where you're going. Like they're mostly in the hood and um shape, but some of the more, yeah, I'm gonna leave that alone. But let me tell you where to find some community and some good wings. Debo's wings and daiquiries on Riverdale and their other locations, that's where you need to go. You need to go on Sunday night, Monday night, and Thursday night. Why? Because football, right? And they have one dollar wings. You can't beat that with a hammer. Like, so uh D Boz, we appreciate your collaboration with Maine Up Memphis. Um, for those who are who may have come to this um podcast on happenstance, which I don't believe in, um, but you don't know what main up Memphis is. Joey, could you tell us a little bit more about Maine Up Memphis and our mission?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, of course. Maine Up Memphis is uh one of a kind. Uh we deal with mental health for eight, 11 to 25 year olds, and then we also help them with their financial literacy. So we're we're really trying to help this current and up and coming generation to get their get their mentals right and then get their um their financials right. So that's what we do. Uh we're a nonprofit, and you know, we're always looking for volunteers. Eventually we're gonna be looking for new hires. Um, so we're expanding and uh we just want to be a part of the community.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, that's what we do. Awesome. And that ad was brought to you by Devo's Wings and Dacqueries. I got some good seafood too. Get into it. So, community, what the what are some things? But I don't want to skip the mood part because that's important. And Joy, I'm I'm pulling you. I feel like I may be um teasing you, but I don't care. So clinically, because I do I do want to hit it clinically, um, when we talk about mood, can you define that? And then how does that relate to manhood? Go.

SPEAKER_01:

Mood, yeah. I mean, it's it's kind of hard to put mood into definition clinically, but it's essentially how how are you feeling emotional? Oh, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, the gag is it's hard to define mood because mood is self-defined, right? As clinicians, we can define affect all day, all the words, right? But mood is self-defined and self-reported. So, but there there are some, which I'm sure you're about to share, some like common descriptors we can use. Um, so hit those, let the people know, because they may need some help with that literacy. Because you we talked about a long time ago, uh even back at our uh event at Baptist, how we always want to name when it's really masking everything, anger, right? And it may just be disappointment, right? Or it may we may want to mask things as um anger again, and you're just sad, right? So um talk talk about that relationship with um mood and language, the description of mood and how that impacts masculinity. That is a book, but hit that real quick.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, well, yeah, I mean, mood is uh I think it's it's a bit of a spectrum too, but you know, you have like have you you've you've seen you've seen the the feelings wheel. And anyone who has been in in um in the either as a practitioner or as a client, you know, may have come across the feelings wheel. But um, you know, like it's it's it's the different the different levels of emotions that we feel in a day, um, you know, that you have your core mo core emotions, you know, happy, sad, um, you know, angry. But like you said before, a lot of those emotions are surface level emotions that are mask masking what is actually happening underneath. So for a lot of guys, mood is I'm angry means you know it's it's like a surface level emotion, but what what they're really angry at is something much, much deeper. And that's where as men we really need to be able to uh identify that feeling um and be able to, and this is a big part for me, is articulate. Being able to articulate our emotions is something that I think all men most well, a lot of men struggle with. Uh I I I put myself in that category sometimes too, even as a clinician. Um it is especially when it's a difficult emotion to express. So I think that's where um when you're talking about mood, don't don't look at just the surface level part of it. Look at look at maybe like okay, there's something underneath here that we need to tackle.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Pause, guys, pause. Um, Dr. C, I I see your wheels turning, but I'm getting a lot more wind now. I guess you're in the day of Pentecost um in the upper room, because it's it's I mean, it's really windy. And I don't I don't know if the sound guy can edit that out.

SPEAKER_01:

You probably can, but well, we'll be able to isolate um you know the whoever's audio is talking the most. Like we can um we can isolate that.

SPEAKER_02:

Um still hearing it. Nope.

SPEAKER_00:

No, yeah, whatever you did worked. Okay, okay. Sorry, buddy. Is it gonna cause you to be hot on your patio? No, not at all. Not at all. Okay. Well, let's jump back in um in the next second so it'll be easier to clip. Um and you can share what you had, Dr. Sid. Now, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Um so yeah, um, and talking about moods and talking about emotions, you know, where I land is on the emotional aspect. Um for me, you know, I like to uh break words down and and maybe it's not the technical meaning of it, but it is something that we can understand and we can practically uh put into play. When we talk about emotions, E stands for inner inner motions. Um I think men need to uh not only identify what those inner motions are, what's what's pushing me uh in a particular direction, what's causing me to have this particular mood. Um we must identify, but also we need to learn how to process it. You know, where do I go from here? What once I've uh identified it, do I now just let whatever words come out or whatever actions or whatever feelings are dominant? Do I just let those rule the day? Or do I now, because I'm empowered with identifying, do I now choose a particular processing method that will not only get me to uh fully embrace my challenges, but also respect those who are connected to me? Because you know, we we I think there is um a responsibility that even though we are feeling a particular emotion or or we're in a particular mood, there's a responsibility for us not to project that on others and to now make them become subject to our emotions. I think that's unfair to other people. And so not only the identity aspect of it, but that's what you saw processing in my mind, how do we now walk this out? Not only do we feel it, but how from a mature, disciplined aspect we responsibly share how we feel and at the same time still respect those individuals who might not feel what we feel. I mean, you know, it's all about perspective. And so um, how do we embrace that and how do we handle that? I think that that comes with the emotional literacy aspect of it that um men need to uh learn because one of my favorite um questions that I love to pose is who taught you how to feel? Who taught you how to feel? Um, you know, feelings are not just something abstract, but it they It is something that, yes, even though it hits us, it doesn't, it shouldn't drive us. Um, so you know, just those types of things.

SPEAKER_00:

Hmm. So remember, and at the beginning of the episode, when I said manhood has color, so this is a great example for those who are watching of a oh my gosh, I'm glad that was um the good um album, of a um feelings wheel, of an emotions wheel, and you have the cores, and then you see how it branches out, and there's so many layers and dynamics and specificity to emotions and feelings. Um, and these are technically emotions. You can cross, you can, you know, split hairs, but we're talking about emotions. Um, and it's it's important, and that leads me to the next question. Like, how much of manhood is for those who are struggling in their manhood journey, how much of it is just a mask? Like, you don't want to be vulnerable with your emotions, or how much is it you just don't know how to articulate it? You see what I'm saying? If you had the language for it and the space, let's start there. If you had the space for it, and then you had the language, could you actually do it? Or because you're so wrapped up in your perception of manhood, you just say forget it, right? Because one one the pressures of manhood are crazy. Let's start there. Everybody sees the glory, but nobody knows the story. And I'm not finna get on a soapbox, but if I want to, it's okay, because this is a safe space, okay? But the point is, and y'all can both of y'all have been a man much longer than I have. It's like waking up every every day, and you have a responsibility. Responsibilities. And like it don't stop. It might slow down. You may can build in a pause, we like to call those vacations. But like, who else really experiences that? Especially as a uh as a BIPOC man, a black indigenous person of color. Like, it's crazy, like, yeah, and I don't like the word crazy, but I'm gonna use the word crazy, like every day. I gotta do something every day, every day, and then oh, can't complain, and you better show up for everybody. And if you so any any semblance of humanity, it's a problem, right? That that is wild, and and now I am done. Um, we're gonna wrap up here shortly, and I might go uh to D bows. Um, but I want to hear y'all take y'all take on that.

SPEAKER_01:

Um yeah, I guess uh I I'll I'll start with um you mentioned that there's there's a lot of good stuff in there that you mentioned. And so let's let's think let's talk about like the I think the the modeling is where you said you know can we uh with the self-awareness piece. So like that's one thing about you know the therapeutic process, like you can have the self-awareness that that says, okay, look, through this process of healing, I've learned that I have trauma from this, this, and this. Okay, and that's that's a great insight. But what do you do with that insight is the is the next big really important thing because one thing you can get you can get in trouble with is you get fixated on on just that that insight and you don't actually make any forward motion or progress. You just you're just fix fixated on that. That's it. And I think that's where that's where I think a lot of men will struggle with is taking that next step. Or what? Now what? Yes, exactly. And then um, you know, what are what then it gets into the what are what are my friends gonna think? What are what are you know what are my what is my family gonna think? So all the societal pressures come out. And it, you know, I don't uh unfortunately I don't really have a great solution other than action. You know, take take some some like with that knowledge that you just acquired through therapy or through uh whatever revelation you had, you now have you have that knowledge, you have the burden of that knowledge, but you also have the power of that knowledge. And and so that's where I I feel like we uh as men can be emboldened by that and and actually take action like um the the people the men did before us, you know. We we need action now more than any more than any time, I think. And um, and that's that's the the only way that I've really seen actual progress is you can think your way to your blue in the face, but you're eventually gonna need action.

SPEAKER_02:

So you know, there's um there's safety in community. And historically, men have always had those safe spaces of community. Might not have been the most therapeutic or the healthiest, but when you talk about the locker room, you talk about the barbershop, you talk about the corner, the basketball court, men had those spaces where they could express uh masculinity without judgment. And then even, you know, fortunately or unfortunately, however you deem it, those those spaces were also opportunities for lessons to be taught. Uh now, whether those lessons were accurate or not, you know, that's that's uh up to debate. But um I to answer the question, I I think that you know, your community is so essential. Um we're we're not called to live life on an island. Um we we we must draw from those individuals who can help pour into us, not only the generations that are before us, but also our compadres, our comrades, those individuals who are walking with us, and then even the generation that is coming after us. Um there's just so many different, as you stated on that wheel, so many different facets uh to our feelings, our emotions. And and I think that to try to uh forge ahead in isolation is uh you know it's a major strike toward our successful progression. So I just sort of camp on that community piece. You've got to have uh those mentors, you've got to have those friends, non-judgmental friends, you gotta have those encouragers, you've got to have those examples, you even got to have those adversaries to show you that there's more in you than what you thought. Uh, and all of that forges that identity of uh masculinity and help us, I believe, achieve day-to-day.

SPEAKER_00:

You you said a word that is brought up in clinical spaces, podcast spaces, spiritual spaces a lot. And that's isolation. Um historically, I think people have misused that word, um, particularly in spiritual spaces, but that's another podcast. Um, like I mean another platform podcast. Uh but isolation is healthy when used correctly. Um what we have seen historically, particularly with men, is that it has been uh maladaptive uh to what we're seeking, or what we need rather. So um, because in isolation, addiction thrives, uh in isolation, um stagnancy, like it's hard to move when you're by yourself. Um you can also you get you get the thread of the loop because there's no other influence to break the cycle, to encourage questioning of why do you do this, or have you considered this, or so isolation can be so detrimental, um and especially to men, nonetheless, isolation is almost taught to men. And when I say isolation, I don't necessarily mean proximity, I mean emotional isolation. Um your emotions are stuck because you're not expressing them. So you have self-isolated, you can be a father of nine and have a wife, um, a part of the community, the whole, the whole, the whole nine, no pun intended. Um, but you still feel isolated. And we wonder why um trigger warning, suicide rates are the way they are. We wonder why um people in these high pressure positions just quit because they never have the space to release safely to move those what you call in emotions, doctors say it's emotion for a reason, right? Um and I wanted to encourage, not because I know more than men listen to this, so I want to encourage those who if you are isolated and it is in an unhealthy fashion, meaning nobody can find you, and I don't mean again GPS, I mean like emotionally, we can't locate you. Um get out of that space. Um let somebody know where you are, and the way you do that is through communication. So um I think there's so much more to the moods of manhood that we really need to dig into.

SPEAKER_02:

May I add to that real quick? You sure can. Uh, just one of the reasons why men isolate is because we got to get to the root of it. The fear of vulnerability. They they don't want to feel vulnerable because they've been taught that if I'm vulnerable, I'm weak, I'm not manly, if I don't have control, that means that you know something is wrong with me. But you know, for for those who are forging not uh from the healthy isolation, but from that unhealthy isolation, because everything that has a buildup of pressure needs what you just said, needs a release. And if there's not a release, then that pressure can cause an implosion, explosion, whatever the case may be. And so um, you know, we've got to address that fear. Why are you afraid to be vulnerable? It it takes nothing from a man if tears are coming down, it takes nothing from a man to share that I'm scared or I'm I'm not certain. It takes nothing from a man, and so we've got to undo these wrong teachings and this wrong thinking and this wrong believing in order for us to have that healthy progression as you talked about.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and I think uh you mentioned community again, and I I really I really can't um I guess my subbox for the night is is is having community, you know, for for not just you know um uh a holistic community, yes, we need to have that as well, but like having a community amongst men, you know, we've been doing that for centuries and uh for generations. So I think we need to bring that back, make it uh inclusive for everybody, you know, because you know, we're all we we we're all men, we're all trying to find and navigate the right path. And I think that you know, just us having this conversation, and I and I'm I I even I even know I have at least one listener because the sound guy, uh Robert, is listening or will be listening to this. So he's being impacted by at the very least, one person's being impacted by what we're saying. And he's been giving us good good feedback, he's loving the show, and uh, you know, he's he's main up now. So um, yeah, just just I encourage all guys try to find your your people. Um, and you know, whether it's like uh yeah, pick-up basketball game, um, the chess tournament, like uh I saw that uh we had the master their master next move uh event that we did. Um so there's a lot of opportunities. I think I think we're just um we've gotten a little too shy for our own goods, maybe, and uh we just need to shake that off a little bit.

SPEAKER_02:

Going to Debo's eating some wings. Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Because you have what what I think you said is the other time, Dr. C. Oh, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I was gonna say real quick, um, I have a confession. I haven't I haven't been to Debos yet. Is that oh, we're changing that. We're changing that. We're changing that. I'll I'll admit it, and we can make a whole show about that.

SPEAKER_00:

But uh you you know that list that we gave you of local places that you have to eat, Debos has now moved to the top. Okay. Okay, all right. Let's see. Sun Sunday, I don't think I have anything to do at the church. We're going to Debos.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And we're gonna enjoy those$1 wings and other things that they offer. Um so, but these that's this is how you find your community. And Dr. Sid, I believe you say this. If you don't, I'm not a gambling man, but I'm pretty sure you say this. Location breeds community. No, communication breeds location. That's Dr. Sid. I thought so. So the way you find your community, it's not mystic, you know, it's not uh um uh uh mystery. You talk and you will attract the people who need to be in your community. Well, let me be very clear, you'll attract a whole bunch of stuff. Um, but wisdom will teach you how to filter who needs to be there, who's there for a season, who's there more permanently, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. That's another episode, right? But if you don't talk, if you're I if your tongue is isolated, you will never find anybody. It'll just be you and your unmoving emotions and those thoughts that are beating your tail. I almost said something else. So if you don't talk, you won't you won't be located, right? So um, because we have had our conversation, we're gonna continue the conversation on these moody Mondays, and we're gonna continue the conversation with some D bows, and um that's all I got. Uh Joey, take us out.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, everybody. Thank you so much. This has been the Main Up Memphis podcast. I want to thank Dr. Sid and Emmanuel for their time and for the next episode. Um, you just gotta stay tuned. We got some great uh programming for you guys, and uh just hope to see you guys at the next episode. Peace out.